Yes, have been on an actual date with a real live guy, whom I met on line. It was for coffee. He was not someone I thought I would really “click” with, but you never know right?
I was also very interested in finding out whether he was ‘as advertised’ in all ways - did he look like his picture? Was he accurate in his descriptions? Did his personality really come through in his e-mails? Enquiring minds want to know!!
Also we did not speak on the phone beforehand, so I really only had a sense of his personality through the e-mails.
My expectation going in was he would be nice and polite from the e-mails, but not perhaps fun or flirty. And guess what, it was exactly as I thought!
He did look exactly as he described himself, and the picture was recent. He was definitely polite and nice. However he obviously had not read up on dating.
Now, I will back up a bit - I am a research nut. I try not to get too much information, which can be confusing, but I tend to try and sort through a pile of information, digest it and apply what I think works best for me. So I researched dating and flirting a lot. And there are some cardinal ‘first date’ rules. Like no ‘ex’ talk, be prepared with some fun flirty questions. Lots of eye contact and open body language. Not too revealing with the personal details. Dress up a bit to show some effort.
So he came in work clothes (ok, well he did come from work, but you can take a change of clothes). I got some angry ‘ex’ stories (baggage). No eye contact (nervous? intimidated? schitzo?) so who knows? Light flirty conversation? Well, not if you count his ‘ligament injury’ story. And lots of personal details. Oh and he tried to kiss me after - I did an involuntary cheek turn!
Now I don’t want to sound too harsh, he did send me a lovely e-mail the next day.
So, interesting all in all, but no chemistry!
I do have another date this week with another guy….I have had an actual phone conversation with him that went well, he sounds fun and easy to talk to. His e-mails are full of personality, so I am looking forward to meeting him and will give you an update later!!
Well, you must be asking breathlessly what about the on-line dating? I have to say it is extremely entertaining so far! Let me break it into categories for you:
1. The Intense Romantic from Far Away Guy
Yes, I have had several, all coincidentally from England who, apparently I am their Soulmate. Strange, intimate, flowery e-mails I share with you an excerpt: (sic)
“I never believed there are angels like you will be on this site, seeing your profile has really made me forget to ask how u are doing.well let me not be taken away by your beauty, I must tell you the truth you among the wonders of Gods beauty U re the best...”
Each hopes distance is not an object. Guess, what it is!. If I can’t find a man to date me within 25 miles, I should not be doing this at all!! The creepiest thing is that I have had more than one profession of love like this. Ick.
2. Distance Should Not Be an Object to my Studliness Guy
Guess what, it is. Yes, even if you come to my city regularly. See above.
3. You’re Too Young Guy
If you’re too young, I know what you want. And I can get that pretty regularly already, thanks!
4. The Too Short Guy
Sorry, you may be a nice person. But I mean it when I have a height requirement. Please don’t make me tell you you’re too short. I get to choose here, not you.
5. The Intense Guy
Really, I don’t want to hear about past experiences with your evil ex. As a matter of fact, in the battle of the Evil Ex’s I would win. Hands down (Arlene will back me up here) so don’t even try. Hire a therapist and lighten up!!! 6. The Trailer Park Guy
Now you’re scaring me, what about my profile says !Trailer Park! to you???
7. The Guy Who Gives Good IM
He’s cute, he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s flirtatious. Then no communication for a week at a time. Is he married? Is the computer the means to the end for this guy? Will we ever meet in person???
While I have made the plunge on the on-line dating sites, I have not ignored the old fashioned way to meet men, live and in person. (OK, I’ll admit, before I was married MY old fashioned way to meet men often included several shooters, a bar and loud music). While my job in a fabric store offered slim pickings’ in the male department, I did happen to meet one in my neighborhood.
Now this guy and I go WAY back. To high school, in fact, where we knew each other but weren’t friends. By coincidence we have both moved to the same area and have run into each other at various times during fifteen years or so I have lived around here, although each of us has moved, been married, had kids and subsequently divorced during that time. Now he lives a couple of blocks from me, and we would chat a while if we bumped into each other.
Being the clever gal that I am (and he being tall, cute, eligible, without facial hair and able to string several intelligible sentences together) I put a plan of action together. Namely asking for referrals for household repairs. Which, of course necessitated the Exchange of Phone Numbers.
So far so good. I took the plunge after he hinted several times that, as a single parent I should make sure I had fun, took care of myself, etc. So I asked him if he would like to go for a beer.
His response? “I’m really busy”, followed by “a list-of-why-I’m-so-busy”... OK, I can deal with a brush off. After several supportive calls to Arlene who convinced me it’s Him not Me.
So now the confusing part. A couple of weeks later, we meet again. He invites himself over to my place. We have some beers and a long talk, having similar experiences with life & kids etc. We make out. Sex ensues. (rationalization: I HAD to sleep with someone else than my ex). We meet again about a week later. I get the “too busy to get involved with anyone right now” brush off again.
More calls to Arlene who is convinced he was Raised on a Planet that does Not have the Same Social Rules as Earth.
Anyway, even though I am confused, I like the sex. So now we have a Booty Call arrangement. And I am less confused, although some days I feel like the neighborhood Sam from Sex and the City.
On line dating, not just a meeting someone, it’s a career!
OK, I have taken some initiative and joined two on line dating sites and asked a Real Live Guy out (more on that later). Oh, then I took my profiles off the dating sites. Then I rejoined.
Let me explain my uncharacteristic flip/flop on the dating sites. First there is some homework you need to do. Like writing a profile. In some cases you can’t even look to check out the goods unless you join, (which is kind of a waste, if you have pretty specific requirements, it would be nice to know if there are any sites better than others. Kind of like grocery shopping, I go to Loblaws for a different selection than Price Chopper). This can be an arduous process, and varies by site. Some sites rely heavily on drop down menus. For example; Turn Ons/Turn Offs: the choices being: thunderstorms, erotica, strategically placed tattoos, sarcasm….you get the idea. Not things I would put on my list, which would read more like: the ability to change a toilet paper roll, will eat leftovers, nice hands.
Other sites require you write everything yourself, which leads to a lot of the profiles sounding the same. Then there are pictures….please guys keep the shirts on! (Note to self: add ‘shirt off in profile pictures’ to ‘turn offs!)
So I finally did this and joined two sites. This was a few hours work, plus trying to get a decent self portrait with a digital camera.
So why did I erase everything? Because upon joining the site I was able to check out the competition! Then I got nervous. There are a lot of women out there who are stunning, well educated, and financially independent on these sites. When I came to my senses I realized there are also a lot of women on these sites who aren’t. So I rejoined.
I still am thinking about getting professional portrait taken, though.
Did you know there is a whole industry around this? Advice from Dr. Phil, professional portraits specifically for on-line dating, professional profile writing (talk about that personal touch), I’m sure there is a lot more, I can imagine….dating coaches…perhaps even a dating stand in?.....stylists……heck you could probably get married without even meeting the other person!!
Mr2Nice123:– A single 40-somethings guide to dating
Where to meet single guys? Not at a fabric store!
OK, so I’ve decided to start dating. There are a host of problems this raises: 1) Usually dating involves more than one person (going to the movies by myself does not count as a date, even if I have great taste in movies and am fantastic company) 2) Usually this person is the opposite sex. For me, at least
So just exactly how do you find a date? And, as importantly….
Where do you find time to date?
Finding time is difficult. We are talking (ideally) two people with busy lives already. Intelligent, attractive people with outside interests. Kids. Jobs. Two different schedules. In the same city. And, in my case two jobs, volunteer activities, family to visit, after school activities, part time college (2 courses this semester). So I calculated; this leaves approximately the hours between 7 pm Saturday and 10:00 am Sundays. Unless there is an assignment due. Oh, and did I mention that I have a dog to walk???
Now the above paragraph is making some assumptions, as you can see. That I am looking for an intelligent attractive male with kids. Who lives near me. With a job. And, by the way as I am really tall – so he has to be over 6 ft 1”. Oh, and my age. And looking for someone like me.
Notice I have really narrowed it down -- you note without actually assuming we would have something in common, Probably there are only 5 men within an hour of where I live that fit this description!!!
How do you find someone? I guess other single friends (none of my single friends live within 500 miles of me). Work? Well since one of my jobs is in a Fabric Store, you can guess the quantity of males that come through the door. My new second job in a real estate office may offer more hope, especially if I offer to help all the divorced males looking to buy a house some TLC. My Mom’s friends unmarried sons? EEEK (As a matter of fact I’m not even telling her I’m looking!) Bumping into old High School classmates? More about that subject to come…..
So with few other resources, I have stepped into the murky depths of Online Dating. Did I mention Voldemort Lite* was using online dating services while we were married? Which makes me very very cautious…..will it be Heaven or Hell??